My Life Sucks
Sep. 22nd, 2024 10:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
disappointed_lesbianI didn't get the remote job I was onboarding for. I wasted my time reading dozens of pages of their privacy policy and other documents I had to agree to. As soon as I finished clicking "Agree" and submitted my digital onboarding stuff, I was rejected. The rejection was automated, and I wasn't given a reason, only informed that I wasn't a fit for the current project.
I think the reason was either my having used a (free) mobile number based in Russia or my having indicated that I don't use mainstream anti-virus software. I read in some of the documents that the company expects workers to have top-of-the line anti-virus software to maintain the integrity of the documents the company sends.
I got a bit further depressed than I was in my last post; now, I'm so dejected that I'm kind of numb. I read somewhere that Jesser skin peels have a lower likelihood of causing pih, so I tried it. I've given myself even more pih. I have a dark ring around my mouth. The problem is that my source has two kinds of Jessner peels; the traditional one and one that contains what I'm now forced to recognize as my nemesis: TCA. Perhaps foolishly, I bought the TCA one.
Maybe this happen because of the TCA exactly, but because I was too aggressive in my peel application technique. I gave myself two peels in quick succesion, without waiting for my skin to heal much from the first. Plus I did a lot of layers.
If I weren't so numb, I'd feel like a fool for doing this to myself again. At least it isn't as bad as it was last time. I've learned my lesson: just don't bother with TCA. I can fade my pih with salicylic acid peels, glycogen peels, and hydroquinone. The question is: how long will that take, especially given that I don't have the money to buy these things. My energy bill is gonna be two months behind by the time I get around to paying any of it. I simply cannot get ahead of the poverty.
So my dating plan has been pushed back even further. Having time to think about how I'll go about it has been good, but I just have too much time.
I seem to have gained back a couple of the pounds I lost. Also depressing. I spent around fifty dollars on date rolls because they are relatively high-calorie and I was undereating too much last month. Now, I'm fairly sure, it's the date rolls that are causing me to gain weight. So I need to stop eating them, which leaves something of a hole in my diet because I'd intended for them to be a major source of my calories this month. With what shall I fill that hole?
I'm sleeping a bit more, but still not enough for my bowel function to return to normal. An uncomfortably full colon that I cannot empty still wakes me up in the wee hours of the morning sometimes. I still get stomach cramps that last for hours.
I also still wake up cold early in the morning. I'm going to have to buy more bedclothes. Another health-related item I cannot afford. I've bought a throw and a blanket and that still isn't enough, because, I suppose, of the autumn cool that's recently returned.
Needless to say, I'm quite frustrated. The only good thing that's happened to me this month is that I've stopped over-dosing on melatonin and thus have much more energy/much les fatigue and grogginess. Also I feel that I'm making some good progress with Korean, albeit somewhat haphazardly.
I just bit the bullet and opened my latest energy bill. I added only about thirty dollars to my bill this past month, so my total bill isn't as much as I feared it would be. Plus my account isn't seriously delinquent yet. I'll be able to get away with paying just a portion of it, so I'll have money enough left over to buy some more skin peels and/or hydroquinone, along with the supplements I need (and haven't been able to get my health insurance to cover. perhaps I'll post about that struggle another day).
I find the contrast between the hype surrounding pop music and the shallowness of pop music to be depressing. I need to stop wasting my time with kpop because it is the cause of this depression. But I've found a handful of really good songs and feel driven to search for more.
I need to find something to sustain myself while I'm waiting for my face to heal. This sort of applies to my derailed weightloss as well, but that will quickly get back on track as soon as I get next month's groceries. It's fading pih that I need to play the long game for. I've been able to distract myself from my fatigue and insomnia, but this desire for physical intimacy is so distracting that I struggle to focus on my typical distractions, and my depressed mood saps me of the desire to do much besides vegetate in front of a youtube video, plus I'm still low on energy because I don't sleep.
I think the reason was either my having used a (free) mobile number based in Russia or my having indicated that I don't use mainstream anti-virus software. I read in some of the documents that the company expects workers to have top-of-the line anti-virus software to maintain the integrity of the documents the company sends.
I got a bit further depressed than I was in my last post; now, I'm so dejected that I'm kind of numb. I read somewhere that Jesser skin peels have a lower likelihood of causing pih, so I tried it. I've given myself even more pih. I have a dark ring around my mouth. The problem is that my source has two kinds of Jessner peels; the traditional one and one that contains what I'm now forced to recognize as my nemesis: TCA. Perhaps foolishly, I bought the TCA one.
Maybe this happen because of the TCA exactly, but because I was too aggressive in my peel application technique. I gave myself two peels in quick succesion, without waiting for my skin to heal much from the first. Plus I did a lot of layers.
If I weren't so numb, I'd feel like a fool for doing this to myself again. At least it isn't as bad as it was last time. I've learned my lesson: just don't bother with TCA. I can fade my pih with salicylic acid peels, glycogen peels, and hydroquinone. The question is: how long will that take, especially given that I don't have the money to buy these things. My energy bill is gonna be two months behind by the time I get around to paying any of it. I simply cannot get ahead of the poverty.
So my dating plan has been pushed back even further. Having time to think about how I'll go about it has been good, but I just have too much time.
I seem to have gained back a couple of the pounds I lost. Also depressing. I spent around fifty dollars on date rolls because they are relatively high-calorie and I was undereating too much last month. Now, I'm fairly sure, it's the date rolls that are causing me to gain weight. So I need to stop eating them, which leaves something of a hole in my diet because I'd intended for them to be a major source of my calories this month. With what shall I fill that hole?
I'm sleeping a bit more, but still not enough for my bowel function to return to normal. An uncomfortably full colon that I cannot empty still wakes me up in the wee hours of the morning sometimes. I still get stomach cramps that last for hours.
I also still wake up cold early in the morning. I'm going to have to buy more bedclothes. Another health-related item I cannot afford. I've bought a throw and a blanket and that still isn't enough, because, I suppose, of the autumn cool that's recently returned.
Needless to say, I'm quite frustrated. The only good thing that's happened to me this month is that I've stopped over-dosing on melatonin and thus have much more energy/much les fatigue and grogginess. Also I feel that I'm making some good progress with Korean, albeit somewhat haphazardly.
I just bit the bullet and opened my latest energy bill. I added only about thirty dollars to my bill this past month, so my total bill isn't as much as I feared it would be. Plus my account isn't seriously delinquent yet. I'll be able to get away with paying just a portion of it, so I'll have money enough left over to buy some more skin peels and/or hydroquinone, along with the supplements I need (and haven't been able to get my health insurance to cover. perhaps I'll post about that struggle another day).
I find the contrast between the hype surrounding pop music and the shallowness of pop music to be depressing. I need to stop wasting my time with kpop because it is the cause of this depression. But I've found a handful of really good songs and feel driven to search for more.
I need to find something to sustain myself while I'm waiting for my face to heal. This sort of applies to my derailed weightloss as well, but that will quickly get back on track as soon as I get next month's groceries. It's fading pih that I need to play the long game for. I've been able to distract myself from my fatigue and insomnia, but this desire for physical intimacy is so distracting that I struggle to focus on my typical distractions, and my depressed mood saps me of the desire to do much besides vegetate in front of a youtube video, plus I'm still low on energy because I don't sleep.
