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disappointed_lesbianI was (maybe still am?) depressed today primarily because I had stomach cramps for hours. I had stomach cramps because I haven't slept in three days. Going to bed at 10 pm worked once and hasn't worked since, so I guess it's time to give up. It's ten pm now. My plan is to go to bed at midnight.
I can see my skin slowly improving, but nowhere near fast enough. This is maddening. I'm finally moving past the point of insane sex drive to simple lonliness, a craving for skin-to-skin contact and conversation. I didn't feel lonely when I was still thinking about dating womyn. I wanted companionship, but I didn't ache for it.
Sometimes I think about jumping into the dating pool right now, but I'm afraid that I'd ruin my chances with people I might otherwise be able to attract with better skin. I'm afraid that I'd be wasting my time and that I'd end up feeling like an idiot.
Shit, it's ten seventeen and I'm drowsy. I'm going to bed as soon as my bedclothes heat up. If I don't fall asleep, I'll just get back up. I hate sitting here dozing and nothing else, wasting my time while waiting for my usual bedtime to roll around.
It looks like I'll never find a regular job. I'm going to have to buckle down and try to make a living off my writing. I ave tons of ideas and a great imagination, I just need to spend the time writing, to get the stories out of my head and into a text file.
I finally got an appointment to speak to a gynecologist about birth control, but it's not until the end of next month. I don't know why she's so busy. I don't want a tubal ligation, but I don't want to mess around with non-permanent forms of birth control either. I sure as hell don't want my first time to be marred by condom usage. I want skin-on-skin sexual contact. I cannot satisfy myself with clitoral stimulation alone anymore. It takes hours to get any kind of sexual satisfaction. I'm just feeling kind of empty, let's put it that way. That is something I need to address. I cannot address it alone.
I can't focus anymore so this is all for tonight.
I can see my skin slowly improving, but nowhere near fast enough. This is maddening. I'm finally moving past the point of insane sex drive to simple lonliness, a craving for skin-to-skin contact and conversation. I didn't feel lonely when I was still thinking about dating womyn. I wanted companionship, but I didn't ache for it.
Sometimes I think about jumping into the dating pool right now, but I'm afraid that I'd ruin my chances with people I might otherwise be able to attract with better skin. I'm afraid that I'd be wasting my time and that I'd end up feeling like an idiot.
Shit, it's ten seventeen and I'm drowsy. I'm going to bed as soon as my bedclothes heat up. If I don't fall asleep, I'll just get back up. I hate sitting here dozing and nothing else, wasting my time while waiting for my usual bedtime to roll around.
It looks like I'll never find a regular job. I'm going to have to buckle down and try to make a living off my writing. I ave tons of ideas and a great imagination, I just need to spend the time writing, to get the stories out of my head and into a text file.
I finally got an appointment to speak to a gynecologist about birth control, but it's not until the end of next month. I don't know why she's so busy. I don't want a tubal ligation, but I don't want to mess around with non-permanent forms of birth control either. I sure as hell don't want my first time to be marred by condom usage. I want skin-on-skin sexual contact. I cannot satisfy myself with clitoral stimulation alone anymore. It takes hours to get any kind of sexual satisfaction. I'm just feeling kind of empty, let's put it that way. That is something I need to address. I cannot address it alone.
I can't focus anymore so this is all for tonight.
