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disappointed_lesbianIt happened in eighth grade English class. John Henry Parker was his name. I think they were supposed to be in a relationship. A junior high school relationship.
They were standing side by side and he was talking to some other students. Boys. I hadn't heard what they were saying up until the last thing he said before it happened: something like, you want me to grab her breast? Like it was some sort of challenge. It's sickening enough, the way males view and treat our bodies, but their bonding over their misogynistic violations takes it to a level of indescribable disgust. They're like a pack of predators circling prey.
I haven't been posting in my journal as much because I've been devoting more time to drilling vocabulary and because composing posts while semi-exhausted is too difficult. I'm taking time away from studying right now because I was too disturbed to continue.
I'm working on increasing the amount of sleep I get, but I'm afraid that nothing will work unless I leave this place, these social circumstances. I feel disrespected here. I am disrespected here. And maybe I will never sleep a full night again regardless of where I live. When I am awake I am often on guard and perhaps when I am asleep I don't feel safe enough to let my guard down.
I keep getting stuck on beauracratic bullshit. I'm supposed to be getting a mentor to help me write a business plan for my self-employment goal, but the mentoring organization won't allow me to sign up except on the website. I finally gave in and tried the website today, and I couldn't submit the form. It should be a relatively simple matter to try another browser, but my cognitive ability has been so degraded that it's taken me hours to even think of that.
I've been planning for months to apply for a personal loan. First the bank couldn't verify my identity. Then they had the wrong email address and couldn't verify my correct email address because I don't have a cell phone.
I've probably posted before how annoying it is that every facet of life is coming to be dominated by mobile phones. Uncourteous assholes play their music out loud on the bus from their smartphones. Or have long conversations on the bus on their smartphones. There are Internet services which have nothing to do with phones, phone calls, or text messages that cannot be signed up for without a mobile phone. Occasionally I go to use a web app and find a web page that directs me to download a mobile app...although the website is available on desktop, the app's actual functionality is not. This is true even for non-mobile-specific apps.
I can't sign in to the paypal account I've had for years because I don't have a mobile phone number. I forewent (past tense of forego?) applying to a job because it pays via paypal only and I don't want to experience the hassle of having paypal withhold my money from me for lack of mobile verification.
What's most annoying is the public noise and the expectation that everyone has a mobile device. Even if I had a network-connected mobile device, I would not be using it to connect to half these services for privacy reasons.
They were standing side by side and he was talking to some other students. Boys. I hadn't heard what they were saying up until the last thing he said before it happened: something like, you want me to grab her breast? Like it was some sort of challenge. It's sickening enough, the way males view and treat our bodies, but their bonding over their misogynistic violations takes it to a level of indescribable disgust. They're like a pack of predators circling prey.
I haven't been posting in my journal as much because I've been devoting more time to drilling vocabulary and because composing posts while semi-exhausted is too difficult. I'm taking time away from studying right now because I was too disturbed to continue.
I'm working on increasing the amount of sleep I get, but I'm afraid that nothing will work unless I leave this place, these social circumstances. I feel disrespected here. I am disrespected here. And maybe I will never sleep a full night again regardless of where I live. When I am awake I am often on guard and perhaps when I am asleep I don't feel safe enough to let my guard down.
I keep getting stuck on beauracratic bullshit. I'm supposed to be getting a mentor to help me write a business plan for my self-employment goal, but the mentoring organization won't allow me to sign up except on the website. I finally gave in and tried the website today, and I couldn't submit the form. It should be a relatively simple matter to try another browser, but my cognitive ability has been so degraded that it's taken me hours to even think of that.
I've been planning for months to apply for a personal loan. First the bank couldn't verify my identity. Then they had the wrong email address and couldn't verify my correct email address because I don't have a cell phone.
I've probably posted before how annoying it is that every facet of life is coming to be dominated by mobile phones. Uncourteous assholes play their music out loud on the bus from their smartphones. Or have long conversations on the bus on their smartphones. There are Internet services which have nothing to do with phones, phone calls, or text messages that cannot be signed up for without a mobile phone. Occasionally I go to use a web app and find a web page that directs me to download a mobile app...although the website is available on desktop, the app's actual functionality is not. This is true even for non-mobile-specific apps.
I can't sign in to the paypal account I've had for years because I don't have a mobile phone number. I forewent (past tense of forego?) applying to a job because it pays via paypal only and I don't want to experience the hassle of having paypal withhold my money from me for lack of mobile verification.
What's most annoying is the public noise and the expectation that everyone has a mobile device. Even if I had a network-connected mobile device, I would not be using it to connect to half these services for privacy reasons.
