Things Are Looking Up
Mar. 7th, 2024 12:01 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
disappointed_lesbianI don't have to worry about my energy bill for a couple of months. The charity that helped me before is paying the bill again. I had been working on it myself; a twelfth of my past due balance was being forgiven for each month that I made a payment on-time, but I paid only part of the bill for the last two months so I was kicked out of the program and my whole past due balance became due. I would have been in big trouble had I been responsible for paying that four hundred and sixty dollar bill.
My account application to a very good bank was accepted. Now I can apply for a personal loan and finally get some things I need, such as clothing. Just tonight it occurred to me that I could pay for a private medical exam so that I'd have some evidence for another disability application. My life keeps snagging on my medical issues and even if I do finally get a job, keeping it will be a precarious thing. Maybe with a cooperative doctor my disability case won't take years to resolve. I dream.
My suicidality has faded away. It's not gone, but it isn't as acute as it was. I do however still feel like killing myself whenever I think about anything having to do with physical intimacy. There are no words for the disgust I experience. And I wake up every morning and remember that my life is more or less over. Not so much my life, moreso my peace of mind. The thing that gave life vibrancy. Feelings of joy and security I don't expect to see ever again.
My account application to a very good bank was accepted. Now I can apply for a personal loan and finally get some things I need, such as clothing. Just tonight it occurred to me that I could pay for a private medical exam so that I'd have some evidence for another disability application. My life keeps snagging on my medical issues and even if I do finally get a job, keeping it will be a precarious thing. Maybe with a cooperative doctor my disability case won't take years to resolve. I dream.
My suicidality has faded away. It's not gone, but it isn't as acute as it was. I do however still feel like killing myself whenever I think about anything having to do with physical intimacy. There are no words for the disgust I experience. And I wake up every morning and remember that my life is more or less over. Not so much my life, moreso my peace of mind. The thing that gave life vibrancy. Feelings of joy and security I don't expect to see ever again.
