Worst Political Group Ever

[disappointed_lesbian]

Now that I'm not sleeping, my mental health is spiraling out of control again. I have trouble re-focusing my mind away from things that make me want to cease living. I struggle to do anything that can help distract me because I have so little energy.

I can live in the moment, but I don't have much to live for long-term. Shit, I can't even remember what I was going to type twenty seconds ago. Oh yes, it was that I don't know how to live with the disgust and horror I feel concerning the behavior and motivations of male human beings. What kind of being is aroused by the pain, fear, and degradation of another human being? I mean it's bad enough that there is no concern for the victim's well-being, but how in the hell does the harm get mixed up with the sexual instinct? It's like puking out of your asshole: There's some severe crossing of wires somewhere in the system.

Several months ago, I finished reading this sci-fi novel called The Color of Distance. Early in the book, the human protagonist finds out that the alien race eats some of their young. She reacts with horror and disgust and walks off almost puking, if I recall correctly. That's kinda how I feel about predatory male behavior. It's not just horrible; it's utterly alien.

What makes this a double burden is that I'm expected to act as if everything is ok. A lot of times as I'm walking down the street, I feel like yelling in horror. I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone as everyone goes about their day as if everything is fine while womyn and girls all over the world are incessantly sexualized against our will and prevented from experiencing the freedom that our oppressors have for no good reason. No, not just in shitty third-world countries run by despots. Right here in the United States. I bought a guide to local hiking trails and it made me depressed because it reminded me that if I go out to one of these remote areas alone, I'll be a target. Males will not leave me alone no matter where I go. This is part of why it annoys me when people say that we have "freedom" here in the U.S. No we do not.

I do not ever want to be anywhere near a male human being ever again, yet alone talk to one, but if I ignore them when they talk to me, I'm the asshole. I'm careful to not reveal anything that might cause people to see me as female on online forums because that can lead to disrespect or even harassment. Why are these brutes even allowed to roam the streets while I am not free to do so? Why do the predators have more freedom than the safe, respectful, and law-abiding people? Why has this gone on for thousands of years? The term "unfair" doesn't even capture it.

And the salt in the wound is womyn not doing anywhere near enough. Womyn need to get more violent. Violence is the only thing that really works on predators. Abortion counts. Prevention is the best medicine. It's mind-bogglingly stupid for womyn to continually reproduce our own oppressors, particularly for those of us who have the choice to not do so. We are the most ineffective and poorly organized political interest group ever. Some of us don't yet even realize that we are in a political interest group based on sex. There's not a lot of hope for us. That is why I want humans to go extinct.