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Another Three-Hour Walk Completed
Oct. 31st, 2021 11:42 pmI'm going to have to arrange my cardio routine differently because these walks are hurting my joints. It's a slight pain that doesn't even begin until I'm near the end of the walk, but I don't want to let it go any further. I'm very concerned about my joint health; I really do not want to be one of those elderly people with shit for joints, the ones who can barely walk or pick up a cup.
Will I even make it to old age though? I've thought about suicide at least once a day these past few months. I don't want to die, but I don't want to live with what males have done to me, which I can never forgot. Sometimes, when I'm out alone late at night and it's dark (and I can barely see anyhow because I almost never wear my eyeglasses), I fear even worse things. Never safe. It's not the just the memories, it's have to live with the state of the world in the present. And the knowledge of the future, girls harassed and raped and mutilated for years, generations to come, until this garbage species goes extinct.
I forget these things for a while, a few hours at most, and then something reminds me. Like a suspicious noise behind me while I'm out walking at night. The things we have to look out for. I'd be happy if all I had to fear was murder, robbery, purely physical assault. Those sexual crimes are just the worst. Would rather die. Present conditions overshadow the good things about being alive anyways.
For now maybe I'll just cut back to two hours per night. It would be great if I could do something as low impact as riding my spinning bike. Sitting on that bike for just thirty minutes is agonizing, so more cycling cannot take the place of the walking.
I'm hungry but too tired to cook. I really need to start cooking in bulk. Most foods I prefer to be freshly cooked, but I could do some bulk rice. I'd cut grains out of my diet almost entirely because they messed with my blood sugar, but I've found that I need some relatively quick-digesting carbs to avoid hunger and weakness during the walks. So I have half a serving of rice just before I leave.
Gonna have to buy containers to keep the pre-cooked food in. Everything costs money that I don't have. Maybe I can find some glass tupperware at the dollar store. I refuse to use plastic.
So I just did my breakfast brownie mix in bulk while my post-walk meal was cooking. Eight servings. I put it in an empty protein powder container. It barely fit, the various powders went everywhere, it was a pain in the ass.
Will I even make it to old age though? I've thought about suicide at least once a day these past few months. I don't want to die, but I don't want to live with what males have done to me, which I can never forgot. Sometimes, when I'm out alone late at night and it's dark (and I can barely see anyhow because I almost never wear my eyeglasses), I fear even worse things. Never safe. It's not the just the memories, it's have to live with the state of the world in the present. And the knowledge of the future, girls harassed and raped and mutilated for years, generations to come, until this garbage species goes extinct.
I forget these things for a while, a few hours at most, and then something reminds me. Like a suspicious noise behind me while I'm out walking at night. The things we have to look out for. I'd be happy if all I had to fear was murder, robbery, purely physical assault. Those sexual crimes are just the worst. Would rather die. Present conditions overshadow the good things about being alive anyways.
For now maybe I'll just cut back to two hours per night. It would be great if I could do something as low impact as riding my spinning bike. Sitting on that bike for just thirty minutes is agonizing, so more cycling cannot take the place of the walking.
I'm hungry but too tired to cook. I really need to start cooking in bulk. Most foods I prefer to be freshly cooked, but I could do some bulk rice. I'd cut grains out of my diet almost entirely because they messed with my blood sugar, but I've found that I need some relatively quick-digesting carbs to avoid hunger and weakness during the walks. So I have half a serving of rice just before I leave.
Gonna have to buy containers to keep the pre-cooked food in. Everything costs money that I don't have. Maybe I can find some glass tupperware at the dollar store. I refuse to use plastic.
So I just did my breakfast brownie mix in bulk while my post-walk meal was cooking. Eight servings. I put it in an empty protein powder container. It barely fit, the various powders went everywhere, it was a pain in the ass.
