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disappointed_lesbianAt the Department of Homeland Security's website, it's claimed that multiple polls show that the majority of Americans approve of the current administration's deportation plans.
https://www.dhs.gov/news/2026/02/04/dhs-sets-record-straight-administrative-warrants-and-american-public-support
I intended to look at the polls, but all three of the links lead to social media: two to X and one to TruthSocial, Trump's own goddamned platform. Clown presidential administration cannot even link to real sources.
My whole day was disrupted because of work on the roof of my apartment building. The property manager sent an email about it just this morning, so I didn't know about it beforehand. I was drilling my vocab flashcards when I started hearing thumping throughout the apartment building this morning. It sounded like it was coming from various apartments, but it must have been coming from the roof only. It was too disturbing, so I had to leave. I didn't shower or anything, just switched my pyjama bottoms for shorts, put on sunblock, grabbed a few items, and left.
As I was leaving the complex, the property manager pulled up in his car and said that the workers might need to get into my apartment for some reason. I said that I was leaving because of the noise, and it turns out he hadn't even known that they'd already arrived. I unhappily agreed that he could let them into my apartment as long as he was there, then I went for a three-hour walk. I don't like random people, especially men, in my living space. Men hide cameras, and the property manager would most likely not think to be concerned about such a thing because men aren't used to worrying about being sexually spied on.
I was starving to death, so I had to spend money on food. I stopped for some chocolate protein bars and had way too many calories. I walked all around town and back, stopped to sit a couple of times to think about how awful the world is and to burn time. I hadn't thought to ask how long the work would go on. I returned at one pm and they were still working, but the thumping was only intermittent and stopped soon after I'd arrived.
I didn't bother starting to study my second set of flashcards, the ones I make from podcasts, because it was too late in the day for me to stick to my regular revision schedule. I didn't get to put dinner in the slow cooker early enough to have what I'd planned on.
I had lunch, then constipation meds, then a wrenching bowel movement, then stomach cramps for the second time today, then I wasted a bunch of time playing a computer game to distract myself from the pain, as I often do, then I tried again to get information about the compensated work therapy program offered at the va. I called multiple times and kept getting transferred to people who apparently don't exist, and I couldn't even make a complaint because the patient advocate office never answers the phone. I finally got an email address for someone in this office, but I don't expect anyone to email me back.
So basically getting a job is still next to impossible.
I showered and rushed to the thrift store because I needed a new iron and the store was close to closing. I found a rechargeable one for six bucks. I felt weak but took the long way home to burn more calories. Darkness was falling, it wasn't cold out, few people crossed my path, and I re-listened to a podcast episode about a poltergeist in post-wwii London. It was a somewhat pleasant walk, albeit marred by the headlights of car after car blinding me.
My new skincare products arrived today, which I at first considered a highlight to an otherwise shitty day, but reading the ingredients depressed me. The 'discoloration correction serum' is seventy-six percent water. Waste of money. The 'daily brightening serum' is over ninety percent water. How can that be effective? I can't remember why I bought this stuff. These percentages weren't listed on the website, that's probably why. My regular skincare supplier probably would have been a safer bet in terms of ingredients, but the products of his that I used didn't have an effect. This is so frustrating. Well, I cannot do anything but try them and leave negative reviews, if it comes to that. Several people in town are giving away lemons. I should take some of those and use the juice for skin brightening.
I've felt on edge all evening and I don't know how to get rid of the feeling.
I've been loathe to post this, but I've discovered the key to improving my misogyny-induced misery: I have to simply decide to improve. That involves not allowing myself to continually ruminate on it, not allowing my mind to be dragged through the mud of bad memories, and, most difficult, refusing to think of myself as somehow irreparably damaged by my experiences. There is however a good chance that I'll still off myself, especially if I cannot escape this country, because I don't have it in me to face or spend my life anticipating more such experiences.
The discount grocery store is proposing to open a local branch. That would be very convenient for me; I'd need to visit only one out-of-town grocery store for my monthly shopping. At a local store yesterday, I found at the cash register a small flyer decrying this potential new addition to our town. There is the very good point that our smallish town already (somehow) has seven grocery stores. I do not agree that the discount grocery store would provide redundant services; it provides temporary stock that's been discontinued at other stores. The temporariness is one reason why this new store won't threaten other local grocery stores, which have stock long-term. Most of the discount grocery store's stock is cheap junk food, so it's even less of a threat to the fancy local markets full of organic produce and niche vegan and gluten-free items. The lack of competition is what'll keep this new store from destroying local grocery jobs, as the flyer says it will.
According to the flyer, our city municipal code requires consideration of whether proposed new businesses take away from the city's unique character, and, this grocery store being part of a chain, the flyer says that it will erode that uniqueness. I think it's ok to have a couple of chains. What the city shouldn't have allowed was another damned Starbuck's, of which we now have two. I wonder whether anyone brought this up when Taco Bell opened.
I think most of what's in the flyer amounts to a lack of consideration for this city's poorer population. I know firsthand that's it's impossible to eat well and do all my grocery shopping locally because of local prices. I don't give a damn about maintaining local character when I'm running out of food every month.
The last point I want to address is that the discount grocery store, by providing shelf-stable staples, will threaten our local independent grocery stores, which rely on these kinds of sales to support the more expensive services they offer, such as delis and bakeries. I want the delis and bakeries to shut down because they are full of animal products. I don't benefit from them.
I missed the discount grocery store's community meetings, and I don't want to go to a City Council meeting. I will however use the email address from the flyer to contact the city council. They need to hear from low-income residents.
I may not even be here when/if this store opens. But something about this bougie independent store (whose prices are ridiculous actually) preventing poor residents from having more affordable options bothers me.
https://www.dhs.gov/news/2026/02/04/dhs-sets-record-straight-administrative-warrants-and-american-public-support
I intended to look at the polls, but all three of the links lead to social media: two to X and one to TruthSocial, Trump's own goddamned platform. Clown presidential administration cannot even link to real sources.
My whole day was disrupted because of work on the roof of my apartment building. The property manager sent an email about it just this morning, so I didn't know about it beforehand. I was drilling my vocab flashcards when I started hearing thumping throughout the apartment building this morning. It sounded like it was coming from various apartments, but it must have been coming from the roof only. It was too disturbing, so I had to leave. I didn't shower or anything, just switched my pyjama bottoms for shorts, put on sunblock, grabbed a few items, and left.
As I was leaving the complex, the property manager pulled up in his car and said that the workers might need to get into my apartment for some reason. I said that I was leaving because of the noise, and it turns out he hadn't even known that they'd already arrived. I unhappily agreed that he could let them into my apartment as long as he was there, then I went for a three-hour walk. I don't like random people, especially men, in my living space. Men hide cameras, and the property manager would most likely not think to be concerned about such a thing because men aren't used to worrying about being sexually spied on.
I was starving to death, so I had to spend money on food. I stopped for some chocolate protein bars and had way too many calories. I walked all around town and back, stopped to sit a couple of times to think about how awful the world is and to burn time. I hadn't thought to ask how long the work would go on. I returned at one pm and they were still working, but the thumping was only intermittent and stopped soon after I'd arrived.
I didn't bother starting to study my second set of flashcards, the ones I make from podcasts, because it was too late in the day for me to stick to my regular revision schedule. I didn't get to put dinner in the slow cooker early enough to have what I'd planned on.
I had lunch, then constipation meds, then a wrenching bowel movement, then stomach cramps for the second time today, then I wasted a bunch of time playing a computer game to distract myself from the pain, as I often do, then I tried again to get information about the compensated work therapy program offered at the va. I called multiple times and kept getting transferred to people who apparently don't exist, and I couldn't even make a complaint because the patient advocate office never answers the phone. I finally got an email address for someone in this office, but I don't expect anyone to email me back.
So basically getting a job is still next to impossible.
I showered and rushed to the thrift store because I needed a new iron and the store was close to closing. I found a rechargeable one for six bucks. I felt weak but took the long way home to burn more calories. Darkness was falling, it wasn't cold out, few people crossed my path, and I re-listened to a podcast episode about a poltergeist in post-wwii London. It was a somewhat pleasant walk, albeit marred by the headlights of car after car blinding me.
My new skincare products arrived today, which I at first considered a highlight to an otherwise shitty day, but reading the ingredients depressed me. The 'discoloration correction serum' is seventy-six percent water. Waste of money. The 'daily brightening serum' is over ninety percent water. How can that be effective? I can't remember why I bought this stuff. These percentages weren't listed on the website, that's probably why. My regular skincare supplier probably would have been a safer bet in terms of ingredients, but the products of his that I used didn't have an effect. This is so frustrating. Well, I cannot do anything but try them and leave negative reviews, if it comes to that. Several people in town are giving away lemons. I should take some of those and use the juice for skin brightening.
I've felt on edge all evening and I don't know how to get rid of the feeling.
I've been loathe to post this, but I've discovered the key to improving my misogyny-induced misery: I have to simply decide to improve. That involves not allowing myself to continually ruminate on it, not allowing my mind to be dragged through the mud of bad memories, and, most difficult, refusing to think of myself as somehow irreparably damaged by my experiences. There is however a good chance that I'll still off myself, especially if I cannot escape this country, because I don't have it in me to face or spend my life anticipating more such experiences.
The discount grocery store is proposing to open a local branch. That would be very convenient for me; I'd need to visit only one out-of-town grocery store for my monthly shopping. At a local store yesterday, I found at the cash register a small flyer decrying this potential new addition to our town. There is the very good point that our smallish town already (somehow) has seven grocery stores. I do not agree that the discount grocery store would provide redundant services; it provides temporary stock that's been discontinued at other stores. The temporariness is one reason why this new store won't threaten other local grocery stores, which have stock long-term. Most of the discount grocery store's stock is cheap junk food, so it's even less of a threat to the fancy local markets full of organic produce and niche vegan and gluten-free items. The lack of competition is what'll keep this new store from destroying local grocery jobs, as the flyer says it will.
According to the flyer, our city municipal code requires consideration of whether proposed new businesses take away from the city's unique character, and, this grocery store being part of a chain, the flyer says that it will erode that uniqueness. I think it's ok to have a couple of chains. What the city shouldn't have allowed was another damned Starbuck's, of which we now have two. I wonder whether anyone brought this up when Taco Bell opened.
I think most of what's in the flyer amounts to a lack of consideration for this city's poorer population. I know firsthand that's it's impossible to eat well and do all my grocery shopping locally because of local prices. I don't give a damn about maintaining local character when I'm running out of food every month.
The last point I want to address is that the discount grocery store, by providing shelf-stable staples, will threaten our local independent grocery stores, which rely on these kinds of sales to support the more expensive services they offer, such as delis and bakeries. I want the delis and bakeries to shut down because they are full of animal products. I don't benefit from them.
I missed the discount grocery store's community meetings, and I don't want to go to a City Council meeting. I will however use the email address from the flyer to contact the city council. They need to hear from low-income residents.
I may not even be here when/if this store opens. But something about this bougie independent store (whose prices are ridiculous actually) preventing poor residents from having more affordable options bothers me.
