Dumbbell Skullcrushers

[disappointed_lesbian]

language

My fatigue has worsened; I'm back to the point at which caffeine has little effect on my energy level. I went three days without lifting and finally forced myself to work out on the fourth day, yesterday.

I'm wondering whether this is caused by yet another vitamin deficiency. I've experienced this several times. It's usually D3, but my B12 got low a couple of times as well. I ran out of D3 and didn't have the money to buy more right away (well, I did, but I was afraid to spend a single dollar back when I was scraping together the funds for my laser treatment). I finally got some more D3 a few days ago, but I did go several days without, which is kind of a big deal because I need to take it every day. I can skip a day, probably even two, and be fine, but five days or whatever it was is risky.

I'm sleeping again, but my sleeping schedule has shifted; I don't' feel sleepy until about an hour and a half, sometimes two hours later than my usual 2 AM. I don't seem to be waking up later to compensate for the later bedtime, however, so I'm still getting less sleep than my baseline of five to six hours per night. Same old story. I've continued to turn off the electricity at bedtime, but it doesn't seem to be having any effect. I've come back around to the idea that something about living indoors is causing my fatigue. I was not this tired when I lived outdoors (aka was homeless) despite all the exercise and stress I was experiencing.

What I need is a vacation away from living in typical dwellings, places that are made with paint and other toxic bullshit. I tent or maybe a plain wooden shed is what I'd live in. A month should be enough time for me to both acclimate to my new dwelling (I can't sleep in new places for several nights) and determine whether the change in environment is affecting me.

But I have no money, so there's no way for me to vacation. Maybe I will think of a way to get some help from the VA.

At this point, I think my fatigue might be caused by something more than my insomnia.

It's amazing how easily I can manage hunger now that it's not mixed up with low blood sugar. My blood sugar has been great ever since I stopped eating grains (except for a whole wheat wrap once a day or every other day). I'm guessing this is what dieting is like for other people, people who aren't hypoglycemic. My cravings between meals used to be torture. So many times I looked for dieting information for hypoglycemic people and didn't find anything useful. I'm so glad I finally figured it out for myself.

Another great thing is that I don't really miss grains. I used to be in love with my oat bran breakfasts, but I found it quite easy to replace them with my current first meal of the day, which is a mixture of protein powder, flax meal, nut butter, and applesauce. I was also fond of rice, but replacing that with potatoes has been no problem at all. The high level of satiation of my diet keeps me from craving much of anything.

I can remember eating when I didn't want to eat so many times, just to keep my blood sugar from crashing. I still don't understand why a snack wasn't sufficient at those times, why I had to have a meal. Now I can finally honor my desire to not eat. I still cannot go all day without eating (and I shouldn't be doing that anyways because it's not good for optimal muscle growth), but I can go longer between meals without feeling like crap, and I can eat less when I do finally get around to eating. After living with the restrictions of hypoglycemia for most of my adult life, I can't overstate what a huge and magnificent change this is for me.

I'm still waiting to see any significant results of my laser skin treatment. The doctor said to wait two weeks. It's been eight days. So far all I see is one spot on my cheek that looks as if it's breaking up, the edges of the dark patch having faded. Oh, and the area right above my eyebrows seems to have gone back to normal. Regardless of what the final results are, I'm probably going to have to wait out the hyperpigmentation for some time, probably less than what I'd have had to wait had I not undergone the laser procedure, but some time nonetheless. More time than I want to, that's for sure. I can still hardly believe that I've done this to myself. The disbelief seems to be helping me wait it out; what I've done to myself doesn't seem totally real, so I don't think about it much.

If I ever get any more money (later this year, I mean, as I have too many things to pay for within the next fow months), maybe I'll compromise between quitting deadlifts permanently and continuing to risk my back by buying a trap bar. Deadlifting with a trap bar puts less strain on the lower back. I know one of them must cost at least two hundred dollars, however, and I'm a loooong way from having that much money to spare. More immediately, I need heavier dumbbells so that I can continue to grow my puny forearms and tone my triceps.

I was working out triceps with barbell skullcrushers, but an episode of Bob and Brad (from their youtube channel, which I watched on invidious and not that garbage youtube) convinced me to use barbells instead. I tried it for the first time yesterday. The exercise is easier to do properly, and I prefer it to the barbell version. Because I do it one arm at a time, however, it takes longer. I've got a nice ache in my triceps today (a sign of having worked out hard enough to get results), which I was never able to get with the barbell skullcrushers, probably because wielding the barbell was too awkward for me to do the exercise properly.

I don't really care to grow my triceps; I just want them toned and strong enough to assist my pullups and chinups.

I have been doing pretty much nothing but working out, eating, watching invidious videos, and playing computer games. I do not have the energy for anything else. My apartment is messy, gross in some spots. I guess I am going to try once again to force myself to do at least one foreign language lesson per day, but my hopes aren't high that I'll stick to even that little work. I am just too tired to think much. Plus, I have a rather all-or-nothing attitude towards studying languages: it's difficult for me to do just one lesson per day because I'm used to doing at least one lesson per day plus drilling vocabulary for several languages. Doing much less than that feels so wrong that I end up doing nothing instead. So I'm going to really have to put my mind to this. The mind that barely has the energy to do the studying itself, let alone maintain the proper motivation to continue with a sub-optimal study plan.

This being something of a down time for me (that is, a time when I'm not studying intensely or studying difficult languages), it would be a great time to beef up my Spanish vocabulary. Spanish, the easiest language I've ever studied, tends to bore me, and I'm good enough at it to make do, so I tend to neglect working at it. Now, when I haven't the energy to put into the more intense languages, would be a great time to work on Spanish. But I cannot afford a textbook, and I can't stand studying on a computer screen, which is too bad because an online version of the book I want to use (and probably several other suitable alternatives) is available for free.

Clothes are another thing I need. More and more of my clothes have holes in them. I'm ok with holding off on that expense for a while because I want to reach my goal body composition first. Ideally, I would first reach it and then make sure that I can maintain it for a while before buying any more clothing, but I seem unlikely to have the patience for that. I would like for most of my wardrobe to be black. I love the look of all black, especially on a trim body.