![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
disappointed_lesbianI couldn't bear sitting any longer so today I tried to transition back to my standing desk, resting my hurting foot on the run underneath the desk. That didn't pan out and I ended up sitting anyhow, not on the floor but on my overturned laundry bin, which is positioned as a seat in front of my standing desk. It's uncomfortable. I developed neck pain and soreness in my lower back, plus I now have a headache for no discernible reason other than the neckache.
I finally ordered some rubber heel replacements for my shoes.
As of yesterday, I'm now chewing my extended release melatonin instead of swallowing the tablet. I decided that swallowing it probably doesn't have much of an effect. Chewing it is unpleasant; it tastes weird and has a weird texture. I slept better last night and I feel super drowsy now, so so far the chewing seems to be working.
I'm in a shitty mood tonight, unable to pull myself out of my past and thoughts of how doomed femalekind is. Not to mention how low are my chances of supporting myself in Taiwan. When I have to stay home and manage my health, as I've been doing for the past few days, I think of the difficulty of doing that once I'm employed in Taiwan. I'm honestly too disabled to work, although that may change somewhat if I ever get out of this country. Everything looks grim. But I'll feel better if I can sleep.
The va has awarded over a hundred million dollars in suicide prevention grants:
https://news.va.gov/press-room/va-awards-112-million-in-suicide-prevention-grants/
It's a waste of money. They did however create or maintain a bunch of jobs for suicide prevention workers. The money will just have limited efficacy in terms of preventing suicide because the suicide prevention programs thereby funded don't, won't (and often cannot) target the causes of suicide: shitty life conditions. The money would have been better spent putting a roof over some homeless veterans' heads; that would do more to save lives, to potentially prevent homeless veterans from suiciding.
post-mood: not happy
