I tried Trazodone again

So my energy bill is taken care of for the next two or three months, and I won't have much to pay at that point because spring will be starting and I won't be using the heat so much. What a relief.

So I just need to start paying off my months-overdue Internet bill; that won't be as onerous as paying off the energy bill would be because I owe my ISP only about thirty-five bucks and because I'm not having to pay any new Internet bills right now thanks to a Covid relief government relief program. I'll probably pay just five bucks a month, starting next month.

Last night, I took some Trazodone out of desperation to sleep (and lack of melatonin). It wasn't nearly as strong as it was when I took it before; I wonder whether that's because the pills are expired. I had to take two pills to even begin to feel sleepy; previously, even half a pill knocked me out like a light and left me unbearably groggy for the whole next day, even if I had caffeine after waking up. The sleep psychologist said she'd refill my melatonin prescription, so I'm waiting for that to arrive in the mail.

I felt terribly weak today. Maybe lingering effects of the sleep meds are the culprit. Today was my strength-focused bench press day, and my goal was to reach five sets of five reps at 57 lbs. on the flat bench press. My left shoulder randomly started feeling fatigued as soon as I started lifting, and I couldn't even do sets of five, so I settled on sets of four. I failed to lift more weight than lifted on my last strength bench day, but I banged out more reps this time; I hope that contributes to my progress.

I've set a goal for myself to be bench pressing 100 pounds within a year. The amount of weight isn't as important as increasing my upper chest mass, which is my main goal. Apparently I need to be lifting more to put on more mass, however, so that's why I added the strength bench day instead of just sticking with my hypertrophy bench day. At this point, I think the work I've been doing with exercise bands has put more mass on my chest than benching.

I'm planning to finally buy some dumbbells in January or February. With dumbbells, I can isolate my chest muscles a bit better than I can with barbell work. I'm particularly looking forward to added dumbbell floor flys to my routine. My two main sub-goals for my chest are to put mass on my upper chest and to get a nice line down the center of my chest (I don't know what it's called). I've made good progress on the former, but little or none on the latter, and I expect flys to help a lot.

I recently started doing one-arm flys with my resistance band, but using the band at all is a pain in the ass because it has to be attached to something and because I have to stretch it out really far to get the level of resistance I need. If using the thing wasn't so annoying, I'd seriously consider getting the higher-resistance band (which would be cheaper than the kind of dumbbells I'm planning to get).

I get really bored sometimes, but I'm still very ambivalent about trying to make a friend. I never see anything particularly attractive about other people, so I have no specific motivation to ever approach anyone. I'm also very wary about exposing myself again to the many unpleasant personality traits I've come across in my life.

I think most of my boredom comes from being to sick/tired to do what I want to do, so that I have to settle for boring things like computer games and watching videos online. Maybe I won't want the friend so much if I ever get my insomnia fixed. I guess there's no point in worrying about that, though.