A bit trying
Apr. 30th, 2026 09:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
disappointed_lesbianToday was a bit trying. Instead of exercising, I spent half the morning and afternoon looking for jobs and then trying to apply to one. As usual, I had trouble getting the job application to load on a secure, privacy-respecting browser and had to trial-and-error disable and enable features and permissions before I finally got the form submitted.
I am well-suited to this position, at least, to what was mentioned in the job description, so I feel confident that I'll be at least somewhat competitive as a candidate. Usually I feel that having had no career, no years of experience/expertise in a single specialty, is job market handicap, but this position is defined by loose requirements than most professional jobs.
Then I showered and felt suicidal after I was dressed because I didn't have an appropriately tight undershirt to put on. I have only a few undershirts that I can actually fit, and I don't launder them often enough to have a clean one available every day. The kid's undershirts I bought last year are too short, and the sensation of the lower hem against the middle of my abdomen is scarcely bearable. Lately I have been compromising by wearing these shirts over the looser undershirts I've had for year or T-shirts: the lower shirt is long enough to cover my abdomen, and the upper shirt is tight enough to keep me from being continually reminded of the things that make me want to kill myself. I can still feel that upper shirt hem, however, as if it's digging into the depression between my belly and ribcage area.
Then I spent too much time shopping online for some new undershirts, which are now rather expensive. I tried Ebay, Amazon, Target, and Walmart. I could find only white undershirts when I went to the mall earlier this week. I never buy white clothing because it'll end up dingy and it looks weird. It somehow has a blank quality to it while simulaneously being too bright; perhaps it evokes bleach/unwholesome substances in my subconscious.
The second problem is that I need the tightness of a kids' shirt but something a few inches longer. Once I'd found a reasonable (yet still essentially unaffordable) price, I hesitated to finalize the purchase because I had no way of knowing how long the shirts would be. Finally I decided to stop wasting time and to spare myself the stress of trying to think of what to do. I just bought the shirts. I had them shipped to the mall to save five measly bucks because I'm low on funds this month. If they don't work out, I'll just have to cope until next month.
I've been painfully constipated at times lately and my constipation meds haven't been doing much. I think the feeling in my abdomen has woken me up a few times in the past month. The bloating in my legs has become a bit alarming.
Despite studying the transcript phrase by phrase, I'm struggling to understand a mainland-accented podcast, and that bothers me. The host pronounces some consonants completely differently than they are pronounced in Taiwanese Mandarin, and it's as if I'll never get used to his pronunciation despite my drilling what he is saying dozens of times per day. I don't want to let go of this podcast because finding podcasts is a pain in the ass and so far I haven't liked most of the hosts' voices. Also I'm bothered by having to struggle so much despite all my hard work.
There's more to be said, but the drowsiness is upon me.
I am well-suited to this position, at least, to what was mentioned in the job description, so I feel confident that I'll be at least somewhat competitive as a candidate. Usually I feel that having had no career, no years of experience/expertise in a single specialty, is job market handicap, but this position is defined by loose requirements than most professional jobs.
Then I showered and felt suicidal after I was dressed because I didn't have an appropriately tight undershirt to put on. I have only a few undershirts that I can actually fit, and I don't launder them often enough to have a clean one available every day. The kid's undershirts I bought last year are too short, and the sensation of the lower hem against the middle of my abdomen is scarcely bearable. Lately I have been compromising by wearing these shirts over the looser undershirts I've had for year or T-shirts: the lower shirt is long enough to cover my abdomen, and the upper shirt is tight enough to keep me from being continually reminded of the things that make me want to kill myself. I can still feel that upper shirt hem, however, as if it's digging into the depression between my belly and ribcage area.
Then I spent too much time shopping online for some new undershirts, which are now rather expensive. I tried Ebay, Amazon, Target, and Walmart. I could find only white undershirts when I went to the mall earlier this week. I never buy white clothing because it'll end up dingy and it looks weird. It somehow has a blank quality to it while simulaneously being too bright; perhaps it evokes bleach/unwholesome substances in my subconscious.
The second problem is that I need the tightness of a kids' shirt but something a few inches longer. Once I'd found a reasonable (yet still essentially unaffordable) price, I hesitated to finalize the purchase because I had no way of knowing how long the shirts would be. Finally I decided to stop wasting time and to spare myself the stress of trying to think of what to do. I just bought the shirts. I had them shipped to the mall to save five measly bucks because I'm low on funds this month. If they don't work out, I'll just have to cope until next month.
I've been painfully constipated at times lately and my constipation meds haven't been doing much. I think the feeling in my abdomen has woken me up a few times in the past month. The bloating in my legs has become a bit alarming.
Despite studying the transcript phrase by phrase, I'm struggling to understand a mainland-accented podcast, and that bothers me. The host pronounces some consonants completely differently than they are pronounced in Taiwanese Mandarin, and it's as if I'll never get used to his pronunciation despite my drilling what he is saying dozens of times per day. I don't want to let go of this podcast because finding podcasts is a pain in the ass and so far I haven't liked most of the hosts' voices. Also I'm bothered by having to struggle so much despite all my hard work.
There's more to be said, but the drowsiness is upon me.
