Alone, poor, and stupid, but it's ok
Apr. 22nd, 2026 10:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
disappointed_lesbianToday was peaceful. I stayed home, did all my walking on the treadmill. Got into a flow state and created a ton of Mandarin flashcards. I looked back at the chatgpt podcast episode and found that's no longer so difficult, plus I'm super curious about the content, so I've restarted studying it alongside the glass ceiling episode from the same podcast.
I also started studying my third episode from learn chinese the taiwanese way or whatever it's called, I can never remember. I'm already a fourth of the way through it after less than a day. The development of my reading and aural comprehension are making it a breeze, and that in turn motivates me to get through it more quickly. Having multiple audio files open at once eats up ram, but I can no longer bear one at a time.
I think I'm going to quit immersive chinese. Remembeing how to pronounce all the new vocab is becoming too difficult for me to bother, particularly now that I've missed a few days. I was hellbent on finishing every lesson, to the point of neglecting my typical way of studying, but that hellbentedness is gone now.
I didn't go out today except to take out the trash and recycling. My next door neighbor was at the dumpster just before me and asked me how I was. I said "fine." She hesitated and seemed to want or expect more from me without knowing what to say.
Haven't been sleeping again; maybe I need to re-adjust to my bedroom.
My skin was improving; now it's worsened a bit again and I don't know why. The products I use make me more vulnerable to sunlight, and I'm thinking that maybe going out walking every day, even with sunblock and a hat, has darkened my skin. I guess I should just give up until I move someplace more humid. At least the really dark half-moustache-like blotch under my nose has become nearly invisible.
Today on dhs.gov I read about the arrest of someone for threatening the acting ICE director:
https://www.dhs.gov/news/2026/04/20/hsi-arrests-convicted-murderer-who-sent-threats-ice-director-saying-ice-law
The email, which is supposedly shown in the accompanying image, literally says that the hoped-for violence is not a threat, and nothing in the email is worded as a threat.
The press release says that "ICE launched an investigation and identified Daniel Barber as the person who sent the email," but the alleged email is signed with the name Daniel Barber. How much of an investigation is needed to arrest a person who provides his own name?
The trump administration is untrustworthy, and this case seems suspicious.
Also suspicious is the recent indictment of the Southern Poverty Law Center for funding racist extremist groups. Trump appeals to racists and white supremacists, and the splc's stated mission is to disempower those sorts of people. The indictment came out of an Alabama court, if I recall, but the Trump-appointed FBI director spoke at the public announcement of the indictment so I'm thinking Trump had a hand in this.
While searching for a podcast episode, I came across a video about a japanese guy's trip to Taiwan. He looked good in the video icon, so I clicked on the video. That ear piercing suits him. His skin looks great and that reminded me of my own skin problems. Useless goddamned emotions. I have the skin of a poor person, and I know it's not my fault, but it stings, maybe even moreso for the lack of power I have to do anything about it.
After watching the video, I clicked over to his channel
https://inv.thepixora.com/channel/UCyqVZ1YRUZtvPYxb27gHmlw
and noted the slightly sad video titles. At least half his video titles mention his being alone, friendless, low-income, and having a low iq. It's kinda bizarre. Maybe it's just for attention.
I also started studying my third episode from learn chinese the taiwanese way or whatever it's called, I can never remember. I'm already a fourth of the way through it after less than a day. The development of my reading and aural comprehension are making it a breeze, and that in turn motivates me to get through it more quickly. Having multiple audio files open at once eats up ram, but I can no longer bear one at a time.
I think I'm going to quit immersive chinese. Remembeing how to pronounce all the new vocab is becoming too difficult for me to bother, particularly now that I've missed a few days. I was hellbent on finishing every lesson, to the point of neglecting my typical way of studying, but that hellbentedness is gone now.
I didn't go out today except to take out the trash and recycling. My next door neighbor was at the dumpster just before me and asked me how I was. I said "fine." She hesitated and seemed to want or expect more from me without knowing what to say.
Haven't been sleeping again; maybe I need to re-adjust to my bedroom.
My skin was improving; now it's worsened a bit again and I don't know why. The products I use make me more vulnerable to sunlight, and I'm thinking that maybe going out walking every day, even with sunblock and a hat, has darkened my skin. I guess I should just give up until I move someplace more humid. At least the really dark half-moustache-like blotch under my nose has become nearly invisible.
Today on dhs.gov I read about the arrest of someone for threatening the acting ICE director:
https://www.dhs.gov/news/2026/04/20/hsi-arrests-convicted-murderer-who-sent-threats-ice-director-saying-ice-law
The email, which is supposedly shown in the accompanying image, literally says that the hoped-for violence is not a threat, and nothing in the email is worded as a threat.
The press release says that "ICE launched an investigation and identified Daniel Barber as the person who sent the email," but the alleged email is signed with the name Daniel Barber. How much of an investigation is needed to arrest a person who provides his own name?
The trump administration is untrustworthy, and this case seems suspicious.
Also suspicious is the recent indictment of the Southern Poverty Law Center for funding racist extremist groups. Trump appeals to racists and white supremacists, and the splc's stated mission is to disempower those sorts of people. The indictment came out of an Alabama court, if I recall, but the Trump-appointed FBI director spoke at the public announcement of the indictment so I'm thinking Trump had a hand in this.
While searching for a podcast episode, I came across a video about a japanese guy's trip to Taiwan. He looked good in the video icon, so I clicked on the video. That ear piercing suits him. His skin looks great and that reminded me of my own skin problems. Useless goddamned emotions. I have the skin of a poor person, and I know it's not my fault, but it stings, maybe even moreso for the lack of power I have to do anything about it.
After watching the video, I clicked over to his channel
https://inv.thepixora.com/channel/UCyqVZ1YRUZtvPYxb27gHmlw
and noted the slightly sad video titles. At least half his video titles mention his being alone, friendless, low-income, and having a low iq. It's kinda bizarre. Maybe it's just for attention.
