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disappointed_lesbianI typed something like 'what to do if i want to die' into duckduckgo, and the third or fourth result was a justic.gov web page pertaining to release of the Epstein files. The word 'suicide' does not appear on the page.
A few days ago, I came across a news article that reported the suicide of one of Epstein's victims. It made me want to die more, knowing that this person's life was marred, and at such a young age.
The housing inspector arrived early in the day, so I don't have to waste the whole day waiting. I think my apartment failed for lack of smoke detectors. I took them down because they go off even though there's no smoke. I couldn't find them and didn't try very hard to do so. I don't care. I probably need new ones anyhow. I don't have the energy to care.
The visit stressed me out.
I've been absolutely miserable today, for over half the day, so much so that I did some more research into my suicide method (apparently I'll need at least 10g of caffeine to provoke a cardiac event), so I'm rather pleased that I managed to get through three chapters of Physical Modeling in MATLAB this evening. I'm halfway through the book now.
For tonight's sleep trial, I'll be revisiting cornstarch. I was awake all night last time I tried it, but I'm hoping that having my magnesium and iron levels normalized will prevent that tonight.
I'll be leaning even more heavily into protein and veggies starting this month to support this final and most difficult phase of my weightloss. Hunger prevention is the goal. I'll be switching to a brand of soy milk that contains more protein and costs over twice as much as the soy milk I've been using. I might try to save money by buying regular cut oats and precooking them in the slow cooker rather than paying fifty percent extra for precooked version I've been getting at the discount grocery store. I'll also be cutting out some sugar for a low calorie sweetener that I haven't used in a while because the store stopped stocking it (and because it's expensive; six bucks a bottle). I've been having way too much coconut sugar.
Once again I'm struggling to choke down a half cup of cornstarch. It's giving me a gutache; it's surprisingly filling. This stuff is not low-calorie so I'm going to have to watch my intake.
A few days ago, I came across a news article that reported the suicide of one of Epstein's victims. It made me want to die more, knowing that this person's life was marred, and at such a young age.
The housing inspector arrived early in the day, so I don't have to waste the whole day waiting. I think my apartment failed for lack of smoke detectors. I took them down because they go off even though there's no smoke. I couldn't find them and didn't try very hard to do so. I don't care. I probably need new ones anyhow. I don't have the energy to care.
The visit stressed me out.
I've been absolutely miserable today, for over half the day, so much so that I did some more research into my suicide method (apparently I'll need at least 10g of caffeine to provoke a cardiac event), so I'm rather pleased that I managed to get through three chapters of Physical Modeling in MATLAB this evening. I'm halfway through the book now.
For tonight's sleep trial, I'll be revisiting cornstarch. I was awake all night last time I tried it, but I'm hoping that having my magnesium and iron levels normalized will prevent that tonight.
I'll be leaning even more heavily into protein and veggies starting this month to support this final and most difficult phase of my weightloss. Hunger prevention is the goal. I'll be switching to a brand of soy milk that contains more protein and costs over twice as much as the soy milk I've been using. I might try to save money by buying regular cut oats and precooking them in the slow cooker rather than paying fifty percent extra for precooked version I've been getting at the discount grocery store. I'll also be cutting out some sugar for a low calorie sweetener that I haven't used in a while because the store stopped stocking it (and because it's expensive; six bucks a bottle). I've been having way too much coconut sugar.
Once again I'm struggling to choke down a half cup of cornstarch. It's giving me a gutache; it's surprisingly filling. This stuff is not low-calorie so I'm going to have to watch my intake.
