The Wires in The Walls

[disappointed_lesbian]

Starting the night before last, I shut off the electricity (via circuit breakers) in every part of my apartment except the kitchen. I'd been once again thinking about solutions to my insomnia when it occurred to me that radiation might be the problem. I know from experience that keeping an Internet router on in my bedroom completely prevented me from sleeping at night, so I wondered whether sitting near my current router and switch for so much of the day might be having a similar effect (even though these things aren't near me when I sleep at night).

I ended up on some blog about RF radiation and autism which suggested a trial of no electricity whatsoever. Apparently, even the current-carrying wires in the walls of the bedroom can cause problems for autistic children. So I decided to try this for myself. It didn't help me sleep. The apartment felt quieter. I left the electricity off for most of the day yesterday as well. I felt more relaxed and had more energy, but I went to bed a bit earlier than usual, and nothing can get me to sleep when I do that, so I didn't sleep again last night even though the apartment felt better and I was wicked tired. I also skipped dinner (because I wasn't hungry), and that usually keeps me from sleeping as well.

I'm going to try again tonight. I'm going to do everything right this time; going to eat before bed and go to bed after 2 AM like I normally do. Even if the lack of electricity doesn't seem to help me sleep, I think I'm going to continue keeping it off for most of the day because it seems to make me feel better.

I seem to be losing strength in my chest. I can tell because my breasts begin to feel heavy and burdensome. This is disconcerting because I recently changed my bench press technique specifically to develop my chest further. Although it seems too soon to see results of this change, it doesn't seem like I should have decreased muscle in such a short period of time. I've also added a couple other chest-building exercises in the past couple of weeks, so that makes my weak chest even stranger. Something is seriously off, and I have no idea what it is.

I've been stuck benching 40-45 pounds for months now, and I'm sick of it. Too bad I cannot afford a coach. I don't really know what I'm doing even though I'm no longer a beginning lifter. I get ideas off of youtube videos and just try them out, unsure of what will work for me.

I did thirty-five minutes of cycling today, showered, then went straight out for a two-hour walk. My endurance is very good (for someone who is undereating and who does not sleep enough).

I have trouble remembering the things I want to post about. It was an angry rant, so maybe it's better than I forgot what I had in mind for this post. I get so frustrated with people. I need to make some kind of deal with myself to focus on things that please me more than things that frustrate and disappoint me.

Speaking of which, since I had no Internet yesterday, I spent about an hour writing in the evening. I worked on one of my bedtime stories, which is ballooning into a novella because I lie in bed so long thinking about it instead of sleeping. I was a bit afraid that I'd be horribly bored with writing because I can type so much faster, but it wasn't bad, maybe because my need to think about what I wanted to write slowed me down a bit.

I finally made it out of town yesterday (for days I'd been waking up too late and finishing my workouts too late to make the last bus) and did some extra grocery shopping. I found a place where I can buy protein powder with food stamps. This is a great development because protein powder is pricey and my income is low, but, unfortunately, the store is Whole Foods, which is owned by Amazon, which is a corporation I prefer to avoid supporting. I'd prefer to avoid supporting pretty much all corporations in favor of small local businesses, but I especially don't want to support Amazon. I'm concerned about this business monopolizing the overall market (because Amazon sells so many different kinds of things).

It's sometimes not easy to live by your politics when you are poor. Maybe I will go back to paying cash at a local market for protein powder after I reach my weight goal. Maybe not since I intend for protein powder to be a large part of my diet long-term. It's so filling and delicious (the way I make it anyhow). Just thinking about it right now makes me want some.

At Whole Foods I also found some PB2. This is a powdered peanut product that has way less calories than peanut butter because most of the fat has been removed. It also has a decent amount of protein (it's very important that I eat lots of protein because it keeps me satiated). This PB2 goes so well in my second bowl of protein...whatever...of the day. I don't have a name for the protein powder dish I eat. It's make up of protein powder, flax seed meal, applesauce (unsweetened of course), and nut butter. Mixed together, it has the consistency of a soft, crumbled up cookie. Until recently, I was putting pumpkin pie spice in it, but I can never taste the spice and it's expensive, so I think I'll try cinnamon instead starting next month. The dish tastes good enough without any added spice, but I'd like to have the cinnamon on hand to have a different flavor from time to time at least.

I recently bought a new pair of shoes. I buy nothing but minimalistic shoes; that is, shoes that are zero-drop (there is no rise in the heel height between the front and back of the shoe) with a thinnish sole and a wide toe box (so that the toes are not squished). I started wearing these maybe four or five years ago and became a devoted fan. Before I got my first pair, I was having trouble walking for as long as I wanted to because I would get pain in my lower back. That went away with the zero-drop shoes.

Before my most recent purchase, all my zero-drop shoes came from Xero Shoes. I checked this business' website out when I was considering my purchase, but I didn't like most of the styles available for women, and I didn't like the available colors of the one or two styles that were ok. This is an recurrent problem with shoes: I can't fit men's shoes, and women's shoes tend to come in stupid colors like pink and purple. I like plain black shoes, and brown or dark blue if I cannot get that. I might even go with a grey, but ain't no way in hell I'm wearing some loud ass purple or lavender shoes. Those colors don't even match most clothing.

I didn't want to buy a new pair of shoes. I wanted to use my stimulus money on something else. I had (and still have) two pairs of Xero shoes; hiking boots and a pair I use for everything else, aka, my walking shoes. The hiking boots are heavy and a bit awkward, so I dislike using them on a daily basis.

The walking shoes are comfortable and, though the canvas has holes in it, the soles are still in good shape. But one of the soles is partially separated from the shoe (despite my having super glued it back in place three or four times alread), so the shoe is kind of pain in the ass: the loose sole scrapes the ground and sometimes hits the pavement at the wrong angle and folds up underneath the shoe, creating a tripping hazard.

So I caved and bought some minimalist shoes from another company. I think it's called Terra Firma. The shoes look nice, but there is something off about the soles. Walking in these shoes for an hour leaves me with soreness on the inner part of my heels. So I sort of wasted eighty bucks. I can't use these shoes for the main thing I bought them for: long walks. I'm too tired to be really pissed, but it's a shitty thing because I could barely even afford new shoes. So I'm back to wearing my old Xero walking shoes when I go out for my low-intensity cardio (walking), and the Terra Firma shoes are sort of just for show. I'm looking forward to the next time I can buy shoes; maybe Xero will have something better by then. I'm not counting on it.