Ate a frightful number of calories today

[disappointed_lesbian]

I don't know whether I'm overtraining, under-sleeping, or simply not consuming enough protein. Well, I'm always under-sleeping, but usually I can lift anyhow. Lately, however, my fatigue has been much more pronounced. Today is the second time this week I've been compelled to take a day off; the first time was just two days ago.

And my hunger has gone off the deep end. And I don't have the money to feed myself the protein I should be getting because I spent sixty dollars on electrolyte powder this month. I need to figure out how to get this stuff through my medical insurance. Or find a cheaper source. There's Gatorade, but it has too many calories (my current product contains zero). I have nearly two weeks before I get more food stamps, and just six dollars worth of food stamps left.

My workouts have gotten more intense in the past month, but are they really so intense that I can no longer work out everyday? I'll find out next month, when I get myself some BCAA, which will help with recovery. This month, I made the mistake of wasting nearly thirty dollars on EAA instead of buying BCAA. The EAA seemed to help me a bit with endurance and not at all with recovery. I wonder whether I'd have good results using them both, but I'll never be able to afford that...wait, I actually have maybe half a jar of EAA left, so I can try them together, at least for a while, after I buy the BCAA.

Cutting back on workouts feels shitty. It breaks up my daily routine. Lifting is one of the few things I like to do that does not require much mental focus, so, without it, more frustrating hours of the day in which I can do little more than watch online videos and attempt computer games yawn before me. I also have this little voice way in the back of my psych, urging me to make my gains before I get too old to make them. What will menopause hold for me? I'm afraid. I'd like to have reached all my gains by then and to just be in maintenance mode. I imagine my fifty-something-year-old self, having already developed a fantastic chest, benching 135 lbs. for just a few sets per week, like the old youtube lifting coaches say that they do or that advanced lifters should do. Me, an advanced lifter. What a thought.

Me as an advanced lifter won't look like what they describe, however. Their strength standards are based on squats and deadlifts, movements that I no longer execute.

Lately I have been bored a lot and once again too fatigued to study languages. Although I hadn't understood the reason before, other times I've complained on this blog about not studying were also due to fatigue. It didn't seem like fatigue because I was thinking about the state of my mind (eager for intellectual stimulation) more than the state of my body, I guess. Maybe that's a shitty description.

I'm getting tired of my current Linux distribution. I'm off once again to figure out how to configure something that should be basic, something that I've failed to figure out at least twice in the past.