New Medical Provider

Today I had my first appointment with my new civilian medical provider. I'd previously stuck with VA healthcare, not only because I already had a history with the VA and didn't feel like getting a new doctor up to speed on my medical history, but also because this new provider is in another town, one I cannot easily reach via public transportation. I'd have to take two buses and travel for an hour, and scheduling appointments around that restriction would be, I can say from experience, a logistical nightmare.

Fortunately, my health insurance offers transportation. I'm fed up with the VA's long wait times, shitty communication, and, most particularly, I'm at an impasse with the sleep medicine clinic because I'm not going to participate in the CBT program their sleep psychologist recommended. I want to be referred to someone who has expertise in autism because insomnia (and IBS, which I also have and which is triggered by worsening insomnia) are reportedly common problems for autistic people. I don't want to deal with my insomnia being treated as if it's a psychological problem, and that assumption seems to be a fundamental part of CBT-I.

The transportation agency that works for my health insurance provider didn't do such a hot job with my ride. They still hadn't assigned a driver the day before the appointment (yesterday); I'd been told that I'd be contacted with details about the ride at that point. About an hour before the appointment time, I received an automated call about a Lyft ride that had been scheduled for me and would arrive in six minutes. I never saw that driver. I called the transportation agency again, was put on hold for a long time, then was told that a new ride had been booked and would arrive in one minute. It took longer than one minute, but I finally got my ride.

I didn't get the female driver I'd asked for, but I'd asked late and apparently there'd been a problem with the first driver anyhow, so I figure I can't fault the agency for not fulfilling my request given that emergency measures had been taken. The driver seemed to take the long way and drove me through a very low-population area, so I was wary of his intentions. I had my pocket knife with me.

I arrived just six or seven minutes late, and the appointment went fine. I had planned to ask for referrals just for insomnia and dermatology, but the provider asked me about my menstrual cycle and I ended up getting a gyno referral as well. I have a phone appointment with the VA for the same thing, but it's a month away. I guess I'll see who helps me faster.

I agreed to see a psychiatrist who has experience with autistic people. I hope that experience will prevent her from trying to diagnose me with some bullshit I don't have. I tend to not trust shrinks. I've not had great experiences with them, I've been misdiagnosed by them more than once, probably largely because they didn't know that I was autistic. I'm SO tired of being mis-read by normies who assume that I'm a normie; that's a major reason why I don't want to see a shrink and don't much care for interacting with other people, especially in group situations.

I almost feel guilty that I'm not out walking, burning fat this evening, but the situation with the medical appointment, the stress around my uncertain ride, led to me not eating lunch in a timely fashion, so then my blood sugar dropped and stayed low for a long time, and that fatigued me. Fortunately, I did manage to get in a short lifting workout before I had to get ready for the medical appointment. I'm pleased with my progress with the reverse grip bench press. Today I did four sets of 10 with thirty-two pounds, and I felt like I could have lifted more weight than that, but I didn't want to be rash. If only my fatloss efforts were going as well. I fear I just don't have the genetics for slim thighs and will never get them.

Speaking of being slimmer: yesterday I had an abdominal ultrasound at the VA. I asked the tech whether she was having trouble imaging my liver, and she said that it was a small issue with slim people, that our rib cages tended to cast a shadow in the images. She said something else about me being slim on the phone with another tech she conferred with. I was a bit surprised because I don't think of myself as slim. I don't look slim in my mirrors at home. I'm seven or so pounds below being overweight for my height, according to the CDC's online calculator. Granted, some of that weight is due to my above-average muscle mass rather than fat, but still, I'm...not slim.

I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror just before leaving the VA hospital, and I did look slimmer than I usually do. Weird. That must have been the mirror, though, because I looked the same as I always have in my home mirrors. Or maybe the VA bathroom mirror gives the more accurate view, maybe my bathroom mirrors are the outliers.

Maybe I'll finally lose these last few pounds if I just finally get enough sleep. That could be a good thing or a bad thing depending on how long it'll take me to fix my insomnia, depending on whether I can fix it at all. I dozed off so easily on the ultrasound table! Why can't I do that at home? Maybe the CBT-I shit does have something to offer me; I remember reading something about insomniacs who can sleep more easily in places other than their bedrooms being in need of the psychological reconditioning that CBT-I offers. Maybe bad associations with my bedroom do play a part in my insomnia. Even if that's so, however, I doubt that it's a large part.

I joined a Fediverse social media site yesterday. I've had the urge to throw my voice out into the void. There are no interesting people on it so far. There are always plenty of furries and genderspecials, however.