Short Hair is The Choice for Me

[disappointed_lesbian]

I cut my hair again yesterday after hours spent researching what I could do to moisturize it more. It's just too dry to do anything with when it's longer and there's nothing else I can put in it besides aloe vera, which won't make much of a difference. I was glad I cut it immediately after. I look better this way. I still need a professional haircut, however.

My face finally peeled a little bit today, albeit not nearly as much as it peeled in the humidity. I've been slacking off on the moisturizer for the past two or three days, expecting no peeling. I don't think I'll be able to rely on skin peels for much skin brightening. This evening, I bought some whitening face wash. I'm staying out of the sun. I literally have stopped going outside during the day except for quick errands or checking the mail. I do all my walking at night, and my feet are suffering for it; spreading the walking out over the day seems to cause less pain and fatigue.

I've started doing my Pimsleur Mandarin lessons again. It's so difficult to let go of all that work I've put into the language. And maybe I will marry a Taiwanese citizen who will want to take me back to the island to live. Yuck, marriage. It's only good as a path to citizenship.

I am dying of lust every other day and spending hours trying to manage it.

Yesterday I was able, for the first time in probably a year, to fit into what has been my favorite pair of pants (I'm not sure whether they still are my favorite). Weight-loss milestone. I noticed as I looked in the mirror, however, that I was unimpressed with the size of my hips and thighs. The annoying thing about losing weight to change my body shape is that I don't change shape (at first); I just become a smaller version of the same body shape. So I have a ways to go before I lose those hips and thighs and begin to look pleasing to myself.

It has occurred to me that the reason I have no desire to call or think of myself as anything vis-a-vis sexuality is because the sexuality labels hinge on the sex(es) of one's potential partners. The main lesson I've learned from this situation I'm in is that psychological compatibility is as much if not in some way more important, so thinking of myself solely or primarily in terms of sex(es) I'm willing to pair with seems shallow, incomplete, and ultimately pointless.

Also I don't feel the need to choose a word because I don't really feel like anything about me has really changed. I've always been attracted to people who are relatively hairless, not large, and not muscular. I still have that exact same attraction. I'm still attracted to the same kind of personality.

I have been trying to figure out a solution to my chronic hypoglycemia because it might be the key to me sleeping through the night. I've been skipping carbs during my last meal of the day becaus I slept a little less the couple of times I tried adding potatoes to this meal. Today I read an internet article that suggested that carbs help prevent blood sugar from dropping. Fruit was the suggestion. Fruit has a different glycemic profile than potatoes, so I'm going to try it.

I'll probably end up needing some sort of night time glucose monitor and automatic glucose administration setup.

I've found that exposing myself to my sun lamp helps curb sleepiness more than caffeine and better than caffeine.