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disappointed_lesbianI feel like the probability of me being assaulted or in a shooting here is so high that taking the risk isn't crazy. Taiwan is risky but it isn't insane. Anyways, first I need to focus on just getting my few months of language school. That I'm not afraid to do. Once that's done, I can consider my next steps.
I stopped at the public library after grocery shopping today. I was looking at the Mandarin-language books in the children's section (our public libraries are so awesome that we have books in multiple foreign languages—I picked up a kid's French book while I was there). I'm not ready to read even a kid's book. I don't have enough vocabulary. Or rather, I have the wrong subset of vocabulary. My textbooks so far have focused on things an adult would need to know in Taiwan: stuff about jobs, college, public transportation, going to the doctor, etc. Not stuff that a would be in a children's book. Looking through book after book and recognizing almost zero characters was just a little disappointing.
However. The progression of my listening comprehension is fantastic. I've been watching a few Mandarin-language videos on Odyssee as well as listening to a couple of podcasts, and, although there are still many words and characters I don't know, the ones I do know are quite solid. Sometimes, it's almost like they jump out at me, they are so easy to recognize. That is quite motivating.
I've noticed that I feel more upbeat when I'm taking my morning walk around town, compared to walking on the track. I think that's because I don't have to worry about anyone lurking in the shadows while I'm about town. And maybe I'm more awake because it isn't so dark and I have to pay more attention to where and how I'm walking. I felt as if I were nearly falling asleep while walking at the track a few days ago.
Now that I know that rye doesn't worsen my menstrual cramps, I'm permanently having sandwiches for one of my daily meals. I spend too much time preparing food, so a sandwich is a welcome change from the more complicated meals I make. I bet there is no rye in Taiwan. Then again, maybe their wheat isn't genetically modified either.
I started Lingodeer again and I think Korean will go better for me this time. Rosetta Stone is free but I could not focus on it for some reason. I also downloaded a bunch of Korean textbooks so that I can maybe recreate the success I'm having with Mandarin. The more textbooks I have, the more examples I have; the more examples I have, the easier it is to reach competency with the language. Thanks to languagelearning.site, where poor people can get textbooks for free.
I have finally begun speaking in Spanish. I mean speaking fluently. I have the vocabulary in my head from my years of study; I just needed to regularly hear Spanish to unlock it. Lately I have been listening to Spanish-language podcasts more regularly. There is one about the paranormal that is fascinating, plus a horror fiction one that I am returning to. It took a while for the habit to stick, but I kept at it. Finding topics that really hold my attention has been crucial. I've done this before, but I didn't stick with it because the podcasts I was listening to were boring. Even though I need to grow my vocabulary (and thus am still a learner in some sense), podcasts for learners don't work out for me because they are all over the place in terms of topics rather than focusing on subjects that interest me.
I have a lot of regret weighing me down. I need to change the way I handle certain situations. It's not easy because I'm tired and not thinking clearly so often, plus speaking is so taxing that I don't speak up as much as I could. At least I'm not flying off the handle and getting myself thrown in jail. But I have a lot of memories that torture me because I could have done more for myself.
Well, in some cases I guess I actually couldn't have done more because I didn't quite understand what was happening. The most painful thing about autism is being blindsided by sociopathy due to not understanding or recognizing the sociopathy. These situations have come back to haunt me now that I've enough experience with this kind of behavior to recognize what was happening. I don't lack "social skills;" sociopathy is just alien to me, there was no way for me to anticipate it without direct experience with it. That's a good thing; it should be the norm. But the behavior of non-autistic people is taken for granted no matter how damaging and antisocial it is.
I stopped at the public library after grocery shopping today. I was looking at the Mandarin-language books in the children's section (our public libraries are so awesome that we have books in multiple foreign languages—I picked up a kid's French book while I was there). I'm not ready to read even a kid's book. I don't have enough vocabulary. Or rather, I have the wrong subset of vocabulary. My textbooks so far have focused on things an adult would need to know in Taiwan: stuff about jobs, college, public transportation, going to the doctor, etc. Not stuff that a would be in a children's book. Looking through book after book and recognizing almost zero characters was just a little disappointing.
However. The progression of my listening comprehension is fantastic. I've been watching a few Mandarin-language videos on Odyssee as well as listening to a couple of podcasts, and, although there are still many words and characters I don't know, the ones I do know are quite solid. Sometimes, it's almost like they jump out at me, they are so easy to recognize. That is quite motivating.
I've noticed that I feel more upbeat when I'm taking my morning walk around town, compared to walking on the track. I think that's because I don't have to worry about anyone lurking in the shadows while I'm about town. And maybe I'm more awake because it isn't so dark and I have to pay more attention to where and how I'm walking. I felt as if I were nearly falling asleep while walking at the track a few days ago.
Now that I know that rye doesn't worsen my menstrual cramps, I'm permanently having sandwiches for one of my daily meals. I spend too much time preparing food, so a sandwich is a welcome change from the more complicated meals I make. I bet there is no rye in Taiwan. Then again, maybe their wheat isn't genetically modified either.
I started Lingodeer again and I think Korean will go better for me this time. Rosetta Stone is free but I could not focus on it for some reason. I also downloaded a bunch of Korean textbooks so that I can maybe recreate the success I'm having with Mandarin. The more textbooks I have, the more examples I have; the more examples I have, the easier it is to reach competency with the language. Thanks to languagelearning.site, where poor people can get textbooks for free.
I have finally begun speaking in Spanish. I mean speaking fluently. I have the vocabulary in my head from my years of study; I just needed to regularly hear Spanish to unlock it. Lately I have been listening to Spanish-language podcasts more regularly. There is one about the paranormal that is fascinating, plus a horror fiction one that I am returning to. It took a while for the habit to stick, but I kept at it. Finding topics that really hold my attention has been crucial. I've done this before, but I didn't stick with it because the podcasts I was listening to were boring. Even though I need to grow my vocabulary (and thus am still a learner in some sense), podcasts for learners don't work out for me because they are all over the place in terms of topics rather than focusing on subjects that interest me.
I have a lot of regret weighing me down. I need to change the way I handle certain situations. It's not easy because I'm tired and not thinking clearly so often, plus speaking is so taxing that I don't speak up as much as I could. At least I'm not flying off the handle and getting myself thrown in jail. But I have a lot of memories that torture me because I could have done more for myself.
Well, in some cases I guess I actually couldn't have done more because I didn't quite understand what was happening. The most painful thing about autism is being blindsided by sociopathy due to not understanding or recognizing the sociopathy. These situations have come back to haunt me now that I've enough experience with this kind of behavior to recognize what was happening. I don't lack "social skills;" sociopathy is just alien to me, there was no way for me to anticipate it without direct experience with it. That's a good thing; it should be the norm. But the behavior of non-autistic people is taken for granted no matter how damaging and antisocial it is.
